Every blog post has an extreme backstory

Where's the care and concern? Why does money play such a huge factor? Am I worth less than your money? If it's money you want, then maybe I shouldn't have been born at all. You can keep all the money to yourself. Go on a European tour. Enjoy your life.

Much an impulse...

I hate douchebags. That's why I try my best not to be one. But then when I see myself being so nice to people, they prefer to take advantage of me. In Chinese, the saying goes 人善被人欺, and you know that's absolutely true. But doing good in this evil world is just ironic, that it seems evil things are becoming more and more a conformity. And it absolutely pains my heart when people out there calls me a 'friend'. I don't know to feel angry at myself for being such an idiot, or feel sad that I didn't do enough. Like what Jay Chou sang, “你是友情，還是錯過的愛情？”

I hate him even more now

Looking at pictures of the two of you together makes me happy for you but all the more jealous of him. I can't help it that my heart likes you. But I could have stopped myself from looking at your photos. Why the fuck am I so stupid.

Now I just feel fucking terrible inside. I want to rip my heart out. Scream my lungs dry.

And if you see this you will just hate me won't you. Fuck. I'm so messed up. I want to live a life without regrets. But here I am, regeretting every single decision I have made in life. Fucking failure. Bloody retard. One day my life better fucking change for the better. Extreme moods will kill me but if I let it all be cooped inside I will just implode from the heart.

I feel better but I still hate that fucker. Oh god.

Can't stop...

Thinking of you whereever I go. It's not like I purposely want to think of you, you just subconsciously enter my mind. I try my best not to dream about you, but I just can't stop. It's as if I want you inside my mind.

And I shouldn't even be doing this. You have someone that you love, who am I to hold a place in your heart? Even though I hate him like shit and I think he's an ass, if you are happy with him, I really can't say anything.

Secretly, I want you to just stop liking him. But then again I have somebody else that I consciously like, and I think you are this girl that I am subconsciously attracted to.

But why oh why am I doing this. I should be studying for my A's. I really want to be on stage next year with my 6A's. But can I really do it? I will not limit myself anymore, I am going to let myself go all out and just chase this dream and turn it into reality. We can do this. And after I get 6A's, I will go after you, girl whom I consciously like.

A broken promise

Today, I discarded what I thought was right and ventured into sin. I broke a promise towards myself to becoming a better man, and I have failed myself. Even though don't feel bad, I should be.

I need to change to better myself. I need to give myself some motivation. I shall reborn myself with a new motive in life. I must conquer and continue my quest for life. I will be the Chad that everyone knows about.

Feels not that late into the night

Feeling sad. I have no idea how to explain this. It just feels as though something is missing from my life. Something that I should have, but yet I don't have. Something that everyone else is having, but yet I don't have. Not sure if it's something related to my heart, my mind, or my soul... I think it's just this empty feeling within me.

No matter, I'm sure I can fill it in, right? But no, I tried various methods. Everytime it seems to start working, the emptiness just gets... Emptier. I'm in a complete dillema on what to do now.

How? Should I tell you how I feel? But you're so far away from me now. Too distant to reach. Will I be able to wait for the next time you are back? Or will I be completely empty when I meet you again? Will I still feel so strongly for you, as I do now?

A blogger's life

I've come to appreciate the usefulness of blogging. With it, I am able to express myself without constraints, make complaints without criticisms, and flame others without fear.

Because it is so late at night, I shall not make this too long a post. Just wanna say how much I'm screwing up my life now but trying my best to bring it back to equilibrium by studying my best. Hopefully I get at least 3 A's for my A's.
-fingers crossed-

Irritating fuck

Just fuck off. That's all I can say. I don't even wanna deal with your fucking rants and shit when I'm in like the worst mood for my entire life. Just leave me alone to what I wanna do and you can do whatever the fuck you like.

And stop jumping to conclusions when you don't know half the stress I'm going through. If that's all you can do, then just leave me alone. I don't require your care if you think scolding me and judging me is what you do best.

I have to be less angsty, because I really don't wanna come off as an asshole but you should really see what some people are making me go through. It really seems as if certain people have too much time on their hands and just want to pile up more shit into my life, adding on to my agony and misery. As if I haven't had enough of it.

And fuck this shit I'm having too much delusions, stop thinking about girls because nobody is going to fall for you. So just concentrate on your fucking A's and get the A's that you want, instead of wasting time on some girl that you'll  eventually come to dislike.

Debt drives my life, hate fuels my commitment and revenge keeps me going.

Back to blogger

I'm coming back to blogger because I need a place to rant and collect my thoughts about my life now.

It's 4 more months to the A levels and I'm not yet ready for it. It's not a very pleasant experience, what with so many people helping make my life miserable. I've tried to just live it out, don't get in other people's ways, but somehow some people just want to find something to criticize me about.

Well guess what, if you think that I owe you, then fine, I'm going to repay the loan, with interest, all that you have borrowed me. And after that, I don't owe you anymore, so please just stop making my life any more miserable. Everything you people said have really hurt me, and I will turn this into motivation, to distance myself from you guys, and to do so without incurring further costs. I will will myself to do better, not for the sake of my future, not for the sake of myself, but because I don't want to owe anyone anything anymore. I want freedom, liberty, above anything else.

That's all I'm asking. And that's all that I'm going to work for.

WHY?

when i want to do it, they don't allow me to.
when i'm not doing it, they ask me to.
what is this fuck?
this house of people can't think straight. omg.
shall do other things. bye.

birthdays and comp.

YESTERDAY! yeaps, had fun for dad's dinner party, but not really exciting.
and then went to chicken's house today. had some fun making the model, however the thing was like a bit screwed. hope we can get top 20 in the prelims. okay then watched DOA, it was so damn cool, i must continue tomorrow. kay shall now proceed on with my bio summative wksht. goodbye time wasters.

FIRST TRAINING AS YEAR 2 SQUAD N.

yay, finally took over. super stressed but lots of fun times also. :D
it's late and there's geog test tomorrow, really dun feel like studying. somemore the activity not as well as we think it would be. kay shall go polish booooots nowww.
and study geoggraphy. btw, today's POP postmortem was damn long. hope next time will be faster. kayyy bye people =D

YOG blues.

Hmm. YOG today was epic fail. firstly, it was raining. second, i didn't eat much of the buffet. third, it was damn boring. but then i slept on the train towards buangkok, so nvm. :D AND PEANUT BUTTER WAFFLE IS SO FUCKKING NICEEEE.
YEAH SHALL EAT IT AGAIN SOMEDAY. :D
ANd math test. oh no. had like, 2 questions unfinished, so like, shit.
and then like most likely the A is gone already, yeaps. damn sian.
okay shall prepare now for...THE FUCKED GEOGRAPHY TESTICLES.
FUCKING FUCK, urban morphology SUCKS PENIS.
waste your time.

GOEGRAPHY FUN.

HAHHA. Urban land transect was fun, kinda. walking was damn tiring, but quite enriching. never knew CBD had so many speciality shops and other kinds of crap. :D
anyway, the project was damn fun, later went to nicole's house and played TABLE SOCCERRRR YEAHHH.:D
yeah and jenga and fiddle stick and balllllll. hmm yeah. am thinking of writing a...epic story. of this journey of a man to...the moon. stranded! yeah. or maybe a team. and it sets in like, 2100 or something. :D and then like there are space stations on the moon, and they are supposed to get to the space station, and like survive, but their spaceship like crashed or something. yeah, along that borderline. :D
hmm kay shall FINISH my bio file. byeee.

INTER CCA.

yay yay.
got first for inter-cca games. with much help from weiqi and stephen. :D
oh and of course all the other girls who were smart enough to run into open space :D
omg, okay one, that guy looked like he was gonna kill somebody.
i think he's damn pissed with me. wl, but then must also look at yourself mah. haiz.
next, the flame looked damn nice. the torch also quite nice :D
oh and going home was SUPERB! but she didn't want me to go her house haiz. must go someday. okay i shall go and "study"
goodbye.

BOWLING MADNESS!

OMG. okay i didn't screw up in the morning. concert was okay. BUT BOWLING WAS EPIC.
okay, i think gutter is damn sian, but i got one spare after a gutter. so not bad. :D
and i quite a few spares also bah...I'm getting addicted liaoz omg. GGGG.
kay shall study my stupid trigonometry and stop thinking about bowling. ughhhh.
oh yeah and in the morning was damn fun cos i berhen...TI damn loud. i think. lol.
and now, study.

fucked up.

with those two bloody don't understand me people. Can't they tell that i don't have a fucking life? What's the use of fucking grades and shit if you don't make the best out of life? You think i wun get into a fucked up university? You think that i'll fail my a level? FUCK man. Serious fucking fucked up with fuckers in the world. Bloody fuck.

Woah. in front of the whole school.

IM GONNA BE FLAG-BEARER. I WONDER IF I'LL SCREW UP.
hope i give loud timing. and the berhenti can give properly. AND DON'T DROP THE FLAG!
haiz, but NPCC seriously waste a lot of my time. ooh yeah, have to send in TRAINING SCHEDULE! kay i go do that now! and sleep soon. byeee.

a home? nah, a house.

okay, i am slightly fucking pissed at that bitch, he's such an ass.
scolding others when he himself doesnt show a good example? this is what is meant by good ways when you don't respect others.
and tomorrow is physics. wtf. KTOM. HEAT CAPACITY. CHANGE IN STATE. KINEMATICS.
kay shall go study now, not supposed to stay long on com. and my blog is alive but no one sees it. <3
bye time wasters.

LIFE IS UNFAIR.

Woah. Can't believe it. I actually lost my chinese holiday assignment. WHAT THE FUCK. i think somebody might have taken it and copied or something, or i misplaced it, BUT I REMEMBER PASSING IT UP! goddammit hope she finds it or something. tomorrow is the bloody gong han test, and got the stupid LA essay need hand up. GGxX, then the bio also. second point, im poor. thus, life is unfair. shall grow up to be filthy rich. >:)

okay, im gonna do bio now, see you time wasting people~