Today, I discarded what I thought was right and ventured into sin. I broke a promise towards myself to becoming a better man, and I have failed myself. Even though don't feel bad, I should be.
I need to change to better myself. I need to give myself some motivation. I shall reborn myself with a new motive in life. I must conquer and continue my quest for life. I will be the Chad that everyone knows about.
Feeling sad. I have no idea how to explain this. It just feels as though something is missing from my life. Something that I should have, but yet I don't have. Something that everyone else is having, but yet I don't have. Not sure if it's something related to my heart, my mind, or my soul... I think it's just this empty feeling within me.
No matter, I'm sure I can fill it in, right? But no, I tried various methods. Everytime it seems to start working, the emptiness just gets... Emptier. I'm in a complete dillema on what to do now.
How? Should I tell you how I feel? But you're so far away from me now. Too distant to reach. Will I be able to wait for the next time you are back? Or will I be completely empty when I meet you again? Will I still feel so strongly for you, as I do now?
I've come to appreciate the usefulness of blogging. With it, I am able to express myself without constraints, make complaints without criticisms, and flame others without fear.
Because it is so late at night, I shall not make this too long a post. Just wanna say how much I'm screwing up my life now but trying my best to bring it back to equilibrium by studying my best. Hopefully I get at least 3 A's for my A's.
-fingers crossed-
Just fuck off. That's all I can say. I don't even wanna deal with your fucking rants and shit when I'm in like the worst mood for my entire life. Just leave me alone to what I wanna do and you can do whatever the fuck you like.
And stop jumping to conclusions when you don't know half the stress I'm going through. If that's all you can do, then just leave me alone. I don't require your care if you think scolding me and judging me is what you do best.
I have to be less angsty, because I really don't wanna come off as an asshole but you should really see what some people are making me go through. It really seems as if certain people have too much time on their hands and just want to pile up more shit into my life, adding on to my agony and misery. As if I haven't had enough of it.
And fuck this shit I'm having too much delusions, stop thinking about girls because nobody is going to fall for you. So just concentrate on your fucking A's and get the A's that you want, instead of wasting time on some girl that you'll eventually come to dislike.
Debt drives my life, hate fuels my commitment and revenge keeps me going.
I'm coming back to blogger because I need a place to rant and collect my thoughts about my life now.
It's 4 more months to the A levels and I'm not yet ready for it. It's not a very pleasant experience, what with so many people helping make my life miserable. I've tried to just live it out, don't get in other people's ways, but somehow some people just want to find something to criticize me about.
Well guess what, if you think that I owe you, then fine, I'm going to repay the loan, with interest, all that you have borrowed me. And after that, I don't owe you anymore, so please just stop making my life any more miserable. Everything you people said have really hurt me, and I will turn this into motivation, to distance myself from you guys, and to do so without incurring further costs. I will will myself to do better, not for the sake of my future, not for the sake of myself, but because I don't want to owe anyone anything anymore. I want freedom, liberty, above anything else.
That's all I'm asking. And that's all that I'm going to work for.